The Second Date

Now you may be wondering why I’m telling you about the second date and not the first. No worries, I’m going to tell you about both. After Shawn said he was still interested, we agreed to meet up. For our first date we went for a walk on a local bike path. I should probably define the word “date” right now. For us, a date was pretty much any time that we spent together and A LOT of that was walking. I love to walk and he knew that and we found it was a great time to talk. Walking and talking go hand in hand. (Also in the middle of a pandemic, options are limited. 🙂 )

Our first date was pretty much just catching up. After all, we hadn’t really seen each other in person in a while. I do remember telling him outright that I didn’t know how to date and he laughed. And we agreed to meet again later that week at the park in town.

But I was being honest. I didn’t know how to date. And I had many people tell me I was doing it wrong. Apparently you aren’t supposed to be bluntly honest with the other person? But I was and let me tell you, it made life SO. MUCH. EASIER.

I told Shawn that I was making a LIST of questions for our second date and not to be scared if I literally pulled it out. I just had things to ask that I didn’t want to forget about and my memory is bad. He said to bring it on. When I tell people that I brought a list of questions to our second date, they usually picture me interrogating that poor guy, but it didn’t feel that way. It was more like a conversation back and forth. I always say the most valuable dating advice I ever got was this: “Get the big questions out of the way first.” And that’s exactly what I did. I unashamedly asked the big questions right off the bat.

I want to be specific so you need to know a little about Shawn. He is a faithful follower of Christ and has been divorced. He has two precious children and he and his ex-wife co-parent them. So when I say I had questions, I had QUESTIONS.

If you look back to my last post, you will remember that before I ever messaged Shawn, I first messaged his pastor? There was one question I needed answered. I trusted his pastor because we have both been through the same biblical counseling classes and he knew Shawn’s situation better than I did. I asked him if he believed Shawn had a biblical basis for remarriage. I know there are different beliefs on divorce and remarriage and this post is not long enough to go into those. Suffice it to say that we believe Shawn has a biblical basis for remarriage.

So on our second date I pulled out my LIST of questions. They were questions like:

“Play the movie for me.” (AKA- tell me your life story)
“What do you do when you are angry?”
“Who are your closest friends and mentors?”
“Tell me about your marriage and divorce?”
“How is your relationship with your ex?”
“What are your political stances? What do you believe about obeying the government?”
“What are your fears?”
“Do you consider yourself a good driver?” (I don’t like driving lol)
“What are your intentions for this relationship?”

It was on my LIST but before I got to it Shawn said, “I think we should talk about boundaries in dating.” I LOVED that. I loved that I wasn’t the one that had to bring that up but that he took the lead. It meant a lot to me because it showed respect for me and for our witness as believers. Our boundaries are different than other couples’ and THAT’S OKAY. Among other things, one thing we agreed on was that we didn’t want to be alone in each other’s homes. We wanted to maintain integrity and avoid all appearance of evil. And despite what people think, that is not an impossible boundary to keep while dating.

We also discussed the kids at length. I shared that I wanted to be very mindful and understanding of their emotions. I told Shawn I was fiercely opposed to any sort of forced affection from them and that they needed to be allowed to come to me by themselves. He wholeheartedly agreed and appreciated my attitude towards them.

Shawn asked if he could pray with me at the end of our date and I told him I would love that. He took my hands and prayed. When he finished I looked up and knew right then that I was looking at the person I wanted to marry.

I walked away and my best friend asked how the date went. I calmly replied, “Well, I’m going to marry that man.”

 

In Case of Emergency

The other day I had to fill out an online questionnaire. (You have officially read the most boring opening sentence ever.) HAD is the crucial word in that sentence because it was a long, and in my opinion, meaningless, questionnaire but it was something that I really did have to do. I sincerely hope that the people who received it were able to get some sort of information from all the random questions they asked.

Anyway, one of the questions read something like, “In the event of a real emergency, how many people do you have in your life that you could count on to help you?”

Somehow my brain translated that question into “How many people would you call in the event of an emergency?” and I actually answered with 1. I thought of the time I needed to go to the ER and literally all I did was call my best friend, she came home from work to take me in, and contacted all my family. She handled everything. So in my mind I just thought, “Well, I’d call Natalie and go from there.”

I was about to click to the next question when I glanced over it again and realized my error. Oh! How many people could I count on?? That’s a totally different question! The options were 1, 2-5, 6-10, or 11+. Suddenly I knew my answer and at the same time how incredibly blessed I am.

I realized if I REALLY needed someone to help me, not only would my friends and family drop everything and come, but my church family would do the same thing. And the other churches in the area would respond too. How do I know? I’ve experienced it and I seen it over and over again. Suddenly 11+ seemed like waaaaayyy too small of a number for this question.

My guess is that the people reading the questionnaire can probably see how long I spend on each question and if I change my answers. They probably thought I was rigging my answer when it switched from the lowest number to the highest.

Nope. Just remembering the kind of community I have in Christ and what a blessing it is.

 

What are you afraid of?

This is kind of a follow up to my last post so if you didn’t read that one yet, you might want to start there.

I shared before how it’s hard for me to find time to get a deep enough conversation going so that I can witness to my co-workers. BUT I do have one thing going for me. At my old job, we had these “Random questions of the Day” that we would ask each other in the office. It was super fun and they ranged from really shallow, (If you could only wear one set of clothes for the rest of your life, what outfit would you pick?) to fairly deep, (What is one passage of Scripture that you don’t understand or confuses you?) 

I found that it’s a really good way to get to know another person and to start conversations so on the very first day of my new job, I started asking “Random Questions of the Day.” It’s to the point now where some of my co-workers will very determinedly find me and ask ME what the question is if I don’t ask them first. It’s also pretty handy because it’s an intentional way to get to know another person without them really realizing it.

So, one day last week my question that I thought of just happened to be, “What is something you are afraid of?” I had gotten several answers such as spiders, the dark, etc. I was close to being done for the day and excited to leave because I had several places to be that evening and needed to leave right after work. I was hurriedly cleaning up some dishes in the meat department when one of my co-workers (who is probably the most persistent about the Question) came in to tell me his answer after thinking about it for a while.

“I have my answer.”

I looked up absent-mindedly. “Oh ok. What is something you are afraid of?”

“Dying.”

I can’t quite explain the feeling that came over me. It felt like someone had smacked me upside the head with a board but at the same time a door was flung open right in front of me. Considering all the other answers I had received (and that my answer was snakes), this was totally unexpected. I believe I whispered, “Oh, Jesus” in my head. Outwardly I was cool as a cucumber.

Feeling the weight of my words and knowing exactly where they would lead me, I asked, “Why are you afraid of dying?” He explained that he had done a lot of dumb stuff and could have died.

Me: “Do you know where you would go when you die? What do you think happens when you die?” I have already had conversations with this young man (he’s actually only 15) and knew that he was unsaved and didn’t know anything about the Lord.

Him: Well, with me it could go either way, I guess.

Me: …slowly… “What do you think is the determining factor as to where you go? What determines if you go to heaven or not?”

He did not have an answer. I inhaled slowly and shared the only way to get to heaven. Standing in the meat room, washing dishes, I told this young man about salvation and hope. I told him there was only one way to be rid of a fear of death.

And then he was called to the front and it was time for me to clock out. But I have been praying for him and for the other girl who was walking in and out of our conversation, listening the whole time. Praying for God to change their hearts.

Hmmm…how very simple it was and yet how very hard at the same time. I felt like my face was on fire and my brain was going to explode. In that moment, I truly did not see a person standing before me but an eternal and LOST soul! And I think the weight of that was a little overwhelming. But praise God for putting some words in my mouth for once! What an answer to prayer!

[Side note: As I was rushing quickly out of the store because I was then running late, one of the other girls asked me what the Question was. I quickly told her and she instantly replied that she was afraid of not being able to achieve greatness in life. I hesitated for a moment and I’m pretty sure my thought was, “Lord, I LITERALLY do not have time, strength, or energy to do this again today!” Fortunately these questions are also easy to come back to and I plan to follow up on that one too. What a difference one small, intentional, question can make!]