The One Month Review

You might have thought I got a new book, med, or workout program to tell you about, but nope. I’m here to give my one-month review of marriage. Because GUYS, I’ve been married one month today. :0

Let me just start out by saying that marriage is literally the best. I love being a wife (and yes, we use husband and wife obnoxiously and don’t care.) But I also believe in full honesty and openness so I want to give you the good parts and the hard parts. I also like to end on a high note, so you get to read the hard stuff first.

I would say that over the last month, the more I grow to love marriage, the more I grow to hate divorce. I get to see firsthand the confusion and heartbreak that it brings to so many people. Our sin brings destruction and I despise it. And I’m oh so thankful for a God who restores, heals, and binds up his brokenhearted people. SO many times I have cried out, “Lord! I don’t have the grace for this! I don’t have the strength to do this task!” And yet every time he has been faithful to supply it. My reliance on the Lord has increased significantly because I absolutely cannot live out of my own strength.

On a practical level, the hardest thing for me so far has been the kids’ schedules. It is hard for me to keep track of when they are here and when they are at their Mom’s house. It’s very hard to let them leave and I actually didn’t expect that. Everyone told me, “Oh that will be so nice! You and Shawn will have time together by yourselves!” Don’t get me wrong- we are very intentional when the kids are away to pour into each other and our friends but we don’t look forward to them leaving. Every time they leave my heart breaks a little and I immediately want them back. It is much harder than I anticipated. So we pray. We pray for the protection of their hearts, souls, and minds. That what they learn here will be brought into their minds wherever they are.

Yet the good parts of marriage far outweigh the struggles. It is a true blessing to live life with your favorite person. We are better together than we could ever be apart. Somehow we glorify the Lord in a more complete way as ONE than we did separately.

It is a special joy to be at home every day when Shawn gets off work. That’s my favorite part of the day. When he walks in the door and says, “Hello, wife!” (Did I mention we love those words?) Shawn is a special kind of person who helps with everything. From cooking to dishes to laundry to cleaning the pellet stove- you name it and he will jump in. I love that he disregards all stereotypes and thoughtfully helps wherever needed.

It is a blessing to have children to take care of. For someone who currently can’t have children, this is a very precious thing. I know this sounds weird, but every time I fold the kid’s laundry, I cry. It is not a chore that has to be done, but a sign that I have someone to CARE for, little ones to love and show Christ to. It is a privilege to braid hair, pick out clothes, teach cooking and baking skills, have nerf wars, read Proverbs, pray together, and the list goes on and on.

Dear people, please don’t ever see your children as burdens. Dear readers, don’t see your husband as a problem. As the world looks at family in this way, I want to look at them in the way God sees it. HUGE BLESSINGS.

So there you have it. Married life is awesome and I love it. There are definitely hard parts but those things cause me to rely on Christ more and I’m thankful for that. Overall I would have to recommend it- 11 out of 10. 🙂

 

What I Wish the Church Knew About Singles

Disclaimer: Everything you are about to read is going to be highly biased. I’m not kidding myself- I know that very well. I know that I’m basing all of this on my own experiences and on the experiences of others in my church. Your experience may be totally and completely different. Feel free to dump my opinion in the garbage if you don’t think it’s true. 🙂 Also there has been such a long break between posts because of how much thinking and praying went into this post.

My family would probably call me a sneaky or snoopy person. I prefer the word observant. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve had the ability to somehow…um…gain information that no one else had. For instance, Mom and Dad would be planning a secret family vacation and somehow, I would be the only kid who would knew where we were going. Accused often of eavesdropping (probably true), I like to think that I just happened to overhear things that no one else did. On top of that, I love to people watch. Sit me in a coffee shop and I’m a creeper- extraordinaire. I watch what people do, but more than that, I watch their facial and body expressions. Yup, creepy, right?

So over the last few years, I have gained some knowledge in the area of singles in the church. Not only by being one, but by watching others. And I’m here to share that knowledge with you all. This is not a desperate cry for HELP! nor is it a guilt trip for the church. I’m not trying to sound petty or sarcastic, although it may come across that way at times. Please take it as a friendly post from a friendly person. Here goes:

1.  Singles are not scary human beings. This may seem like an odd thing to say but I have a reason. I think it’s pretty “stereotypical” for singles to complain about being left out of things at church. I also think that hospitality is one of the least taught on commands in Scripture. Let me say this: It is VERY rare for a single person to get an invitation to a family’s house for dinner. I think people feel awkward inviting just one person over. But several times I have seen it happen that as soon as there’s a couple, it’s easier for others to invite them. But the Bible commands hospitality to all, even strangers. Not just those you are comfortable with.
2. Singles LOVE kids! This is along the lines of the last one. Most of the singles I know in my church love to be around kids. I asked for advice when writing this post and my best friend said that even to be invited over to a family’s house with the parent’s still there (AKA, not always to babysit) and just to hang out with the family. She mentioned reading stories to the kids and playing with them. Just being a part of the family.
3. We are busy people too. This one might get a lot of “but, but, buts” coming from people. I’m saying it with a grain of salt so take it that way. Listen, we ALL have the same 24 hours in our day and we ALL choose what to do with those hours. After work, singles can choose whether they will stay home and watch Netflix, just like parents can choose how many sports their kids will participate in. Sometimes there is an assumption that if you are single, then you MUST have an abundance of extra time on your hands and you absolutely must be using that to serve or you don’t love Jesus. Now there is some truth that we don’t have a family and kids to take care of but there are singles I know that are some of the busiest people and it IS with serving! Yet they are always expected to do more because they are single.
4. Singles are adults. I hear a lot of unhelpful/untrue statements from married people. Things like, “It’s such a shame that some guy hasn’t snatched you up yet” or “You’re going to make a wonderful wife” or “God has the right guy out there for you.” These statements give us the idea that singleness is just a transition state and actually lend towards discontentment. Also, you do not know whether a person will get married or not. It’s not up to you! Please leave the matchmaking to God and treat singles as full adults, instead of something hanging in between teens and married adults.
5. Singles know we don’t know everything. After reading this post, you may be thinking, “You sure don’t!” Haha that’s ok. I know it. I’m thinking of one area in particular. A lot of times when you hear singles talk about marriage, if a married person is around, you will almost surely hear them pipe up, “Hey! It’s not all it’s cracked up to be!” Or something along those lines. First off, thank you for making God’s covenant design look soooo appealing. -_- Secondly, we aren’t 12 anymore. We have real expectations of marriage. We don’t expect Disney marriages. We know that marriages happen between two sinners and there are bad days, months, even years. We know that there are dishes to do, toilets to clean, bills to pay. And that’s not even adding kids into it! We know that getting married is complicated. But think back to when you were single…did you desire to be married then? Please realize that YOU are our example of Christ’s union with the church and we need good examples. They are few and far between. Actually, my best friend and I tried to think of some really good marriages (knowing that it’s only what we see from the outside) that we would look at and say, “Yeah, I would want my marriage to look like that.” We thought for a looonngg time and barely came up with two out of all the couples we knew. Please remember that none of us know everything and we can all learn from each other.

If you made it this far, congrats and thank you. I’ve been thinking about this for a long time as I watch the singles I know and I observe my own heart. By God’s grace, I’m praying we all grow closer to each other as we get closer to Christ. Feel free to comment below with any thoughts you have.

 

How (and why) I Babysit

I started babysitting soon after I turned 13.  It began with my siblings. Of course, you know, if you can handle your siblings, every other kid will be a piece of cake. My parents would go out on dates or to bible study together and I would watch the youngins’.  I always knew exactly where they were going and had the usual phone numbers.

Then I started getting requests from other parents.  I got lots of questions about how much I charge and I always gave the same answer. “Nothing.”  I loved the stunned looks on parents faces.  That’s right, I don’t charge anything to babysit and never have because I look on it as a way to bless people.  Now, of course, people don’t allow you to babysit for free, so they always gave me something, but it never mattered how much it was. In fact, this one mom I babysit for doesn’t usually pay me in cash. I often watch her kids when she goes out shopping with her mom and she always buys me something as a thank-you. I’ve gotten scrapbooking stuff, a Vera Bradley lunchbag and shower caddy (for camp!!!), tea mugs, candles, ect. I love it!!!

I’ve babysat overnight (or for a few nights!), for bible studies within my church and for other churches, for parents wanting to get away for a few hours, and for moms who need to take one child to the emergency room (you know who you are)!  Watching my siblings has somehow changed over the years. Now, WE kick the parents out on a date!  I hardly ever know where they are going or when they will be back, unless they’re going to be out REALLY late.  It’s really funny when your five year old brother will beg Mom and Dad to go on dates!

I love to babysit! Kids are hilarious and it’s a great way to bless others.  Rebecca can’t wait until she’s old enough to babysit!  I started writing a book for her on the topic that contains all my knowledge and advice. I better hop to it or she’ll be old enough before I know it!