Blind Spots

We were in the middle of a discussion and I needed backup for some point I was trying to make. I looked directly at my best friend and said, “I mean, I’m a pretty clean person in general, right?”

She hesitated for a moment and then my BEST friend (who usually isn’t this honestly blunt) calmly said, “Well, I don’t know if I would call you CLEAN. I would say you are incredibly tidy, but I don’t think that’s the same thing as clean.”

And in one moment, my whole image of myself fell.

What??! What do you mean I’m not clean?? Every single person I know (except her, apparently) thinks my apartment is always clean! Nobody has EVER, in my entire life, called me a messy person!

But it only took me a minute to realize the truth of her words. My apartment is VERY tidy. There is rarely stuff just hanging around, waiting to be put away. Dishes get done immediately, coats are hung up, bed is made every day- it’s tidy because I like it that way. But with a small amount of guilt I started to think about how often I actually CLEAN. I realized I hate cleaning. Looooooove to organize, hate to clean. I despise cleaning the shower so it doesn’t get done until it’s desperate. Dusting gets done when I can see a layer. Mopping is accomplished when something sticky is on the floor. And the top of the ‘fridge- well, I never see that so why in the world would I clean it??

People, this was a shock to me. I guess I’m not actually a clean person, simply a tidy one. Everything LOOKS clean, but it’s really not.

And sometimes I think our spiritual lives are like that. We are really good at keeping them tidy. We know all the right things to say and do and on the surface level, everything LOOKS clean, but it’s really not. Like the Pharisees that Jesus spoke to, we become like whitewashed tombs, that look clean and beautiful on the outside, but inside are full of nasty things. (Matt. 23)

This is where accountability with believers plays such a key role in our relationships. Sometimes we have blind spots. I don’t think I ever would have come to the conclusion that I need to clean my house more if someone hadn’t been honest with me and pointed it out. I would have continued in the bliss that my life was fine. Our hearts are the same way. Many times there are areas that WE can’t see because we are blind to our own sin. We need other people to come alongside and lovingly point those things out to us. We need to do the same thing to those around us.

Otherwise you may end up with a life that very tidy on the surface, but not truly clean underneath.

 

Superficial Friendship

If you’re a friend of mine and actually know me, this post is probably going to sound really hypocritical. It’s not something I’m very good at and yet here I am- writing about it. That’s usually the way it goes though. I write about the things I’m learning and being convicted of, not the things I’ve “mastered.” So just know that I really am preaching to the choir right now.

I promise this is my last post on Because He Loves Me, but there is one more point I wanted to pull from that book and share with you all. It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while but the way she put it hit me hard.

Have you ever noticed that all humans desire intimacy? Every single person I know WANTS to have deep, meaningful relationships and every single person I know struggles to have them. Personally, I have a really hard time communicating my thoughts and that gets in my way sometimes but other times, it’s my pride. And that’s something I’ve seen a lot. We all want deep relationships and friendships but pull away from the only things that leads to them: transparency and vulnerability. I have tried SO many times to have deep, spiritual conversations with close friends, only to get superficial responses to my questions. But I know that I’ve also been on the other end of that line, doing the same thing to friends. Both leave me frustrated.

So this section in Because He Loves Me really stood out to me:

“As I’ve traveled around the country, speaking at good Bible-believing churches, I’ve discovered that the kind of biblical relationship to which I think the New Testament call us is almost nonexistent. For example, I recently spoke at a conference that was well attended by women who were serious about their faith. They weren’t ‘playing church,’ and they wouldn’t have thought of themselves as tourists. But when I asked for a show of hands of those who were in a biblical relationship with others to whom they regularly confessed sin, expected accountability, and regularly confronted the sins of those same others, only a smattering of hands went up. That’s not to say these dear sisters weren’t eager to follow the Lord. It was just that this kind of relationship, this depth of biblical fellowship, was way beyond their normal practice.
This kind of fellowship I’m enjoining flies right in the face of our American individualism and desire for privacy. We don’t want anyone poking around in our affairs, and we certainly don’t want to be accused of poking about in anyone else’s. This idolatry of privacy and individualism is one of the greatest detriments to sanctification in the church today. God has placed us in a family because we don’t grow very well on our own. It’s still not good to be alone. We need the encouragement, correction, and loving involvement of others who are willing to risk everything for the sake of the beauty of his bride.” pg. 177-178

I’ve been mulling this over for weeks and I still believe she hit the nail right on the head. Have you ever tried to have a confession or accountability time with friends? It can be like PULLING TEETH from a wild dog. It’s probably the fastest way to silence a room of chatty believers.

And it’s because we believe it’s our own private business. But the reality is that our faith is personal, but it’s not private. We DO have a personal relationship with Christ but NOT a private one that is meant to be kept to ourselves.

There is a verse in Proverbs that just keeps popping into my head, “Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment.” Prov. 18:1 Deep, meaningful fellowship with other believers is vital for spiritual growth. I’m learning this more and more. It takes work and humility but it’s worth it for the glory of God’s kingdom.

 

Hardworking Pride

I’m going to back track here for a moment. A couple posts back I was re-reading Crazy Busy, right? And then my life got crazy busy and I haven’t posted in a while. But there is another lesson from that book that I wanted to write about because it came up again this week.

As we all know, I may have a tendency to say yes to everyone and everything. Hence the busyness. This week I had a really hard time saying no to people. All good things and all things I love but by the end of the week I was feeling overwhelmed and burdened and I knew it was my own darn fault.

And finally I remembered something from Crazy Busy:

“We are busy because we try to do too many things. We do too many things because we say yes to too many people. We say yes to all these people because we want them to like us and we fear their disapproval. It’s not wrong to be kind. In fact, it’s the mark of a Christian to be a servant. But people pleasing is something else. Doing the cookie drive so you can love others is one thing. Doing the cookie drive so that others might love you is quite another. So much of our busyness comes down to meeting people’s expectations. You may have a reputation for being the nicest person in the world because the operating principle in your heart is to have the reputation for being the nicest person in the world. Not only is that a manifestation of pride and therefore a sin; it also makes our lives miserable (living and dying by the approval of others), and it usually hurts those who are closest to us (who get what’s left over of our time and energy after we try to please everyone else). People often call it low self-esteem, but people-pleasing is actually a form of pride and narcissism.” Crazy Busy pg. 35

So if reading that didn’t kick you down several notches like it did me, then maybe you don’t need to be reading this post at all. As for me, I believe I felt my blood pressure spike as I read a thorough description of myself in a stranger’s book.

Pride can be very sneaky and sometimes imperceptible because it worms itself into our good intentions. I found that while I’ve been busy, so has my prideful spirit. I realized this week that I need to really evaluate and pray over my motivations for why I’m involved in things. I need to go back to my “Before I say Yes” List and make sure I’m using it.

But I’m also thankful that I’m not flying blind by myself here. I have the Holy Spirit living in me to convict and guide. And I have friends who will help hold me accountable. What a blessing those two things are!