As I pulled back the covers and crawled into bed, the nearby ambulance was dispatched and the siren went by my window. It pushed my exhausted body and heart just over its limit and I started to cry. Suddenly, life didn’t feel fair to me.
I often heard that phrase growing up and I fully believe it and I think this may be this first time in the last 18 months that I have felt “injustice” in my life because of everything going on. I’ve had plenty of others tell me “it’s not right” and “you’re so young, you shouldn’t have to deal with this” but I just shrugged it off, thinking of how it could be worse.
But I always said I could deal with anything as long as it wasn’t stomach issues. And for the last 11 days, I have had constant, debilitating nausea. You can add dizziness, weakness, fatigue, and headaches to that mix too. I have practically laid on my bed or couch all day, and sometimes I’ve been unable to sleep at night because of the nausea. I’ve missed two important church events that I was really looking forward to. And for what? Side-effects of the new medication I’m on. (You may be thinking that my neurologist is a monster but I also haven’t had a seizure in 7 days so we are trying to work things out.)
I don’t often feel like my life is unfair. But that day was my birthday. I was miserable and try as I might to think about all the people who came around me and showed love and blessed me, I just needed to cry for two minutes and then I fell right asleep.
And I think that’s okay. I woke up the next morning, still feeling miserable, but able to thank God for all his blessings and appreciate my friends and family more. Life is certainly not fair, and I’m so thankful because I don’t deserve what I have.
Scribblings of a Sojourner 
Becca
October 29, 2017 at 7:25 AM
I was going to say something really encouraging, but I can’t say it better than Uncle Guy. However, I will tell you I love you, and that I know how a good cry can make someone feel better emotionally and spiritually.
wfelmlee
October 24, 2017 at 2:53 PM
A lesson learned by your Uncle and King David. Crying out our feelings before God in prayer is sometimes the open door to true freedom found only in Christ when we are honest with Him and ourselves. Like the Psalmist, hearing myself say, “Lord, here I am and to be completely honest….” allows me to give voice to my desperation and neediness. Life ‘stinks’, not always, but enough to make me realize that I’ll never have my best life now. Expressing my emotions to God can bring me to the end of myself and remind me in the ‘stink’ that I am loved with an eternal love by He who is good and capable and that, my daughter, is enough. Keep hoping in Him, Kimme.
Psalm 13
1 How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?
3 Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;
light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
4 lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,”
lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.
5 But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the Lord,
because he has dealt bountifully with me.